Post by Alohilani on Dec 25, 2006 17:31:49 GMT -5
Well, this is the edited first chapter of my retitled fic, which used to be called 'Robot Mind Control'. Enjoy. Or... don't. <_<;
Summary: Team Lightyear appears to have finally brought Zurg to justice. But when XR begins falling prey to periods of amnesia, during which crimes are commited against Star Command, it would seem otherwise. However, what happens when XR is too afraid of retribution (and himself) to tell anyone his suspiscions? ...well, read the story and find out, da.
Chapter 1
"WE'VE GOT 'IM!"
"Quick! The cuffs!"
"Lock 'em!"
"Throw 'im in the cell!"
The Evil Emperor Zurg, Sworn Enemy of the Galactic Alliance, landed in the holding cell with a thump.
"CURSE YOU BUZZ LIGHTYEAR!" he bellowed.
"Tell it to the judge," Buzz Lightyear replied smugly. "Secure the cell! QUICK!"
The cell door closed, making Zurg's cursing inaudible.
"All secure, Buzz!" XR said.
Princess Mira Nova came up to the cell and looked inside, jaw dropping with awe.
"Wow, I- I can't believe we finally caught 'im!"
"Mira. Mira, Mira, Mira. Didn't I always tell you good would triumph over evil?" Buzz said condescendingly, patting her shoulder.
"Well, yeah, but- he's actually HERE! In the cell!"
"Of course he is. I spent the last ten years of my life tryin' to put him there, what do you think?" Buzz snapped.
"Yeah, yeah, I know, it's just- I can't believe we finally caught 'im!" Mira answered, amazed.
"I can't believe you can't believe it," XR butted in, coming up to Mira with a self-satisfied look on his face. "After, you do have the galaxy's first Robot Ranger on your team."
Mira turned to Buzz.
"Wait a minute- technically XL was the first robot ranger, right?"
"I believe so, yes," Buzz replied.
"Hey!" XR yelped. "XL is a FAX MACHINE! Am I? Nooo. In fact, I'm the one responsible for the capture of Zurg," he self-congratulated, studying his shiny metal fingers.
Buzz and Mira exchanged looks.
She snickered, then reached down and patted the dome over XR's head. "Heh heh. Yeah, XR. Yeah, it's all your doing. Heh."
XR scowled. "Well, if not me who was it, huh? HUH?"
"I think Buzz did most of it," Booster said, coming up behind XR.
"Yeah, yeah, Buzz," XR muttered. "Okay, maybe he was the one who had the idea to use the LGM's new hologram projector to disguise ourselves as those brain thingies. But then it was all me!"
"And Mira," Booster said. "She's the one who lured all the grubs away with old meat!"
"Yeah. yeah. Mira too, but after that-"
"And I'm the one who tackled Zurg!"
"Yeah, yeah."
"And then Buzz used part of his old death ray to confine him!"
"Yeah, yeah."
"And then I knocked all the real brains out of the way like a battering ram while Mira and Buzz followed!"
"Yeah, yeah."
"And then we- wait a minute- I don't remember you doing anything," Booster finished.
"XR was waiting in the ship to accelerate away as soon as we got inside," Buzz said.
There was a pause.
"Well, XR, you really didn't do anything," Booster said, puzzled.
"Yes, I did! I secured the cell. And I drove the ship!" XR said, folding his arms.
Another pause.
"Um. Who's driving right now?" Mira asked.
There was a thump.
"Kitty!" came a high-pitched voice.
"Craters!" Buzz yelled. They ran for the cockpit.
Watching XR, Zurg's scowl was slowly replaced with an evil grin.
--Three Days Later---
"He looks so different without that helmet," Mira mused.
The team was standing near Zurg's uber-maximum-security cell on Star Command, waiting for the ceremony where they'd get their "We Captured Zurg" medals.
"Sweet mother of Venus, he's ugly," XR observed callously.
Zurg bared his teeth.
"And what nasty teeth. Ugh," the small robot continued.
"You shouldn't talk to him like that, XR," Booster worried. "He might do something awful to ya."
"Like what?" XR scoffed. "He's stuck in there, stupid."
"Team Lightyear, please report to the auditorium," crackled over the loudspeakers.
Everyone ran out of the cell block except XR.
"Whoa, hey, wait for me!" he yelled, and was going after them when he heard a short whistle like one would use to call a dog and turned to see Zurg making a beckoning gesture.
XR went up to Zurg's cell, a questioning look on his face.
"Yeah?"
"I want to congratulate you on my brilliant capture," Zurg said smoothly, grinning. "Not just any robot could have pulled that off."
XR blinked at him, tilting his head to the side, then smiled and said-
"Heh, well, thank you. I'm glad somebody noticed. I'm so underappreciated, you know."
"Oh, I know," Zurg said silkily. "I feel your pain. In fact, I have something for you."
XR frowned and backed away from Zurg.
"Wait a minute, accepting anything from you has bad idea written all over it."
Zurg made a pained face, clapping one hand over where his heart presumably was.
"I'm wounded, XR. Don't you trust me?"
XR laughed.
"Trust you? Evil Emperor Zurg? Who do you think I am? My brother?"
Zurg sighed, rolling his eyes up in his head.
"No, no, of course not. I should have known you were far too smart to accept anything from me. It's too late for me to change my ways. No one will give me a chance."
"Darn right."
XR turned away and was about to leave when-
"But what will I do with this now? I don't want a Victoria's Circuits magazine..."
XR turned back to Zurg, blinking.
"Victoria's... which issue is it?"
"The very latest one."
XR went a little too close to Zurg's cell, eyes fixed on the magazine he was holding.
"Chee, that's... I'm... not allowed to have those for another week yet... I'm on probation for... y'know... stuff."
"Not allowed? Really? And now I have nothing to do with it. Oh, craters." He turned away from XR. "Well, maybe I'll resell it on eBay."
"Err..."
XR placed one hand against the bars of the cell, eyes on the prize.
"You know, it... really wouldn't do me any harm to take that, would it?"
"Of course not," Zurg said smoothly.
And I want it sooo bad, XR mused. "I don't need to be deprived just because I was too lazy to close the window, right? I mean, nobody got sucked out or anything. Tch." He reached his hand through the bars of Zurg's cell and held his palm out.
Zurg grabbed his hand.
XR screamed as what felt like 10,000 volts ran through his circuits. He pulled away from Zurg, making a gasping noise.
"A- hand buzzer," he panted. "Oh, that's- that's niiice, Zurg. That's- nice. You must think- I'm really stupid."
"You fell for it," Zurg grinned.
XR scowled, clenching his fists.
"Yeah, yeah. How immature, playing a prank on me because I helped you get to jail where you belong. Uh huh. YOU-"
"Will Ranger XR please report to the auditorium," the speaker crackled. "NOW, you little bucket of bolts!"
"I- I- I'll kill you later," XR snapped, and left the room.
Zurg snickered.
"Phase 1 of my evil plan is complete."
---THE NEXT DAY---
"So, you had an intruder, eh?"
"Yes, and he took my spoon collection!" the pimply creature spat.
Buzz sighed.
"And this spoon collection was worth how much?"
"20 Unibucks," the creature replied.
"Nobody's gonna steal something worth 20 Unibucks, you tard," XR snapped.
"XR!" Mira hissed, putting one hand on his shoulder.
"Whaaat?" he complained.
"What is wrong with you?"
"I'm just telling the truth. This kid's spoon collection was crap," the small robot replied testily.
"I heard that!" the kid yelled. "And my collection was not crap! It took me years to put together!"
"They're freaking SPOONS!" XR yelled. "Y'want a spoon you go to the nearest McSpanky's!"
"That is the last crack I'm going to endure," the kid said prissily. "I am filing a formal complaint against Star Command about the behavior of their rangers!"
"You don't need to do that, son, it's only one ranger," Buzz intervened, putting a hand on his shoulder. "XR! Come here!"
XR did so, looking sullen.
"What is the matter with you? Space rangers are always courteous, now say you're sorry."
"I ain't sorry. This kid is a geek."
"APOLOGIZE, RANGER!" Buzz bellowed.
XR winced.
"Okay, okay, I'm not deaf!" He turned to the kid. "I'm sorry I insulted your flippin' wonderful spoon collection," he said in a flat tone.
"That's it, I've had it with you. This is the third time today now get back on the ship!" Buzz declared.
XR stuck his tongue out.
"MAAARCH!"
XR marched. (Well, he didn't march, he sort of, y'know, rolled, but whatever.)
"I'm very sorry, Mr. Netser. I don't know what's gotten into him, he's usually very, ah, courteous."
"I'm sure."
"Anyway," Mira butted in, "Do you have any enemies? Someone who might take your collection for laughs?"
Mr. Netser stared at her blankly for a moment, then realization dawned on his zitty face.
"AAAALFIIIIE!" he bellowed.
A small child came into the room, shifty-eyed.
"Yeah, bro?"
"WHERE IS MY SPOON COLLECTION?"
"Under my bed. Ha ha. And you're not gettin' it back either!"
"AAAAAH!" the teenager screamed, and dove after his brother.
"My work here is done," Mira said.
"Now we just have to talk to XR," Buzz grumbled, marching out of the room.
---
Buzz stormed onto 42, checking the bridge for signs of the cantankerous android. Not finding him, Buzz went into the break room to find XR sitting at the table.
"ARE YOU ON DRUGS?" Buzz demanded.
XR looked up at him. His face had a pinched, unhealthy look to it, but Buzz was, of course, too busy being angry to notice.
"I really don't know how that would happen," he replied.
Buzz slammed his hands down on the table, causing XR to wince and hold his head.
"You have been sassin' people all day and I'm sick of it! I want answers!"
"Could you talk a little softer? My head hurts."
"Well, ranger, maybe you should've thought of that before-"
Buzz felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to see Mira.
"Uh, Buzz?"
"What?!"
"I think you should try the active listening."
"I am not trying the active listening."
"Well, what you're doing isn't working. Do you want ME to do the active listening?"
Buzz sighed and rolled his eyes. "No, no, I'll try it."
He sat down roughly next to XR.
"Why are you so crabby?"
"I don't wanna talk to you."
Buzz frowned.
"Well, you don't have a-"
He looked up to see Mira going 'no no no'.
"...And why don't you want to talk to me?"
"My head hurts."
"So you're saying you're crabby because... your head hurts?"
XR blinked at him.
"I guess so. Yeah."
"Oh. Okay."
Never having been sick a day in his life, Buzz wasn't sure what to say to this.
"Well, suck it up," he attempted, confused.
"Oh. Yeah. That helps. Thanks Buzz."
XR grunted noncommittally and limply waved one hand in the air.
"You know what, I probably just need a charge."
"Huh?"
"A nap, Buzz. I need a nap."
"Oh. Well. All right," Buzz said, relieved. "You'll be fine after that, right?"
"I dunno. Maybe," XR mumbled. He got up, went over to the nearest wall outlet and removed a cord from somewhere inside him.
"A little privacy, thanks," he said loudly.
Buzz and Mira left the room.
XR closed his eyes.
---In a Star Command maximum-security cell---
The Evil Emperor chuckled, surveying a small, plastic purple object that resembled a Playstation controller. There was a small screen in the middle that was currently displaying the wall of 42's break room.
"Yes! That wretched eXpendable Ranger is finally shut down," he snickered. "And now I can control him, buwahahaha!"
Pause.
"Now... which button makes him move?" Zurg muttered. "Is it this joystick thingy?" he wondered, taking the joystick and wiggling it.
XR started moving towards the door.
"Yes! HA! I'm a genius!" Zurg crowed.
Suddenly, XR stopped moving.
"Oh now what? STUPID PIECE OF JUNK," Zurg cursed, wiggling the joystick some more.
XR's cord broke (ouch!) and he moved into the hallway.
"Ya-ha!" Zurg said. "Now, which way is the engine room? Huh. Can I make him look around?"
Zurg tried pressing some arrow keys located on the right side of the handset. To his delight, it actually made XR turn his head.
"That looks engine room-y," Zurg muttered, moving the joystick.
XR wheeled into the engine room.
"Now, how do I get him to shoot the engine and kill everyone?" Zurg wondered. "Hmm. Is it... this button?" he asked himself, pushing a small black button.
XR started jumping rope.
"No, that's not it," Zurg complained, pushing another button.
XR shot toothpaste at the engine.
"Oh, minty fresh, very nice," Zurg grumbled, trying another button.
XR roller skated in a circle.
"D'oh! Stinking pile of bolts!" Zurg yelled, pushing a whole bunch of buttons at once.
XR has mad dance skills!
Zurg started banging his head against the wall.
---On 42---
Buzz, Booster and Mira were all in the cockpit when they heard disco music.
"What the craters?" Buzz yelled.
Everyone ran into the engine room to find XR dancing.
"XR, what do you think you're DOING?" Buzz yelled in frustration. "I oughtta report you for insubordination, ranger!"
XR stopped dancing, and jerkily turned to face Buzz.
Silence.
"XR?" Mira asked.
---In the cell---
"KILL BUZZ LIGHTYEAR! KILL BUZZ LIGHTYEAR!" Zurg howled, incensed. He punched a random button.
---On '42---
XR's guns (finally) came out and he started shooting everywhere.
Everyone else screamed and dove out of the room.
"Seal the engine room!" Buzz hollered.
Mira pushed a button and the door to the engine room closed. Muffled shots could still be heard inside.
"What was THAT?" she yelled.
---In the cell---
"Oh, snap," Zurg grumbled. "Aw, just turn 'im off."
He pushed a big red button. XR's guns retracted, the light in his eyes went out, and he slumped over. His head fell against its glass casing.
---On 42---
"He stopped firing," Booster said in a low tone. "Is it safe now?"
"I can't believe he started shooting like that," Mira said, clearly shocked. "I-I feel so... betrayed."
"Mira," Buzz said, "I know we've all come to think of XR as human. But the cold, hard truth is, no matter how... uh, wonderful a companion he is, he's still a machine."
"Your point?" Mira asked coldly.
"My point, ranger, is that machines malfunction. Now get back to the cockpit. We're flying this cruiser back to Star Command."
Summary: Team Lightyear appears to have finally brought Zurg to justice. But when XR begins falling prey to periods of amnesia, during which crimes are commited against Star Command, it would seem otherwise. However, what happens when XR is too afraid of retribution (and himself) to tell anyone his suspiscions? ...well, read the story and find out, da.
Chapter 1
"WE'VE GOT 'IM!"
"Quick! The cuffs!"
"Lock 'em!"
"Throw 'im in the cell!"
The Evil Emperor Zurg, Sworn Enemy of the Galactic Alliance, landed in the holding cell with a thump.
"CURSE YOU BUZZ LIGHTYEAR!" he bellowed.
"Tell it to the judge," Buzz Lightyear replied smugly. "Secure the cell! QUICK!"
The cell door closed, making Zurg's cursing inaudible.
"All secure, Buzz!" XR said.
Princess Mira Nova came up to the cell and looked inside, jaw dropping with awe.
"Wow, I- I can't believe we finally caught 'im!"
"Mira. Mira, Mira, Mira. Didn't I always tell you good would triumph over evil?" Buzz said condescendingly, patting her shoulder.
"Well, yeah, but- he's actually HERE! In the cell!"
"Of course he is. I spent the last ten years of my life tryin' to put him there, what do you think?" Buzz snapped.
"Yeah, yeah, I know, it's just- I can't believe we finally caught 'im!" Mira answered, amazed.
"I can't believe you can't believe it," XR butted in, coming up to Mira with a self-satisfied look on his face. "After, you do have the galaxy's first Robot Ranger on your team."
Mira turned to Buzz.
"Wait a minute- technically XL was the first robot ranger, right?"
"I believe so, yes," Buzz replied.
"Hey!" XR yelped. "XL is a FAX MACHINE! Am I? Nooo. In fact, I'm the one responsible for the capture of Zurg," he self-congratulated, studying his shiny metal fingers.
Buzz and Mira exchanged looks.
She snickered, then reached down and patted the dome over XR's head. "Heh heh. Yeah, XR. Yeah, it's all your doing. Heh."
XR scowled. "Well, if not me who was it, huh? HUH?"
"I think Buzz did most of it," Booster said, coming up behind XR.
"Yeah, yeah, Buzz," XR muttered. "Okay, maybe he was the one who had the idea to use the LGM's new hologram projector to disguise ourselves as those brain thingies. But then it was all me!"
"And Mira," Booster said. "She's the one who lured all the grubs away with old meat!"
"Yeah. yeah. Mira too, but after that-"
"And I'm the one who tackled Zurg!"
"Yeah, yeah."
"And then Buzz used part of his old death ray to confine him!"
"Yeah, yeah."
"And then I knocked all the real brains out of the way like a battering ram while Mira and Buzz followed!"
"Yeah, yeah."
"And then we- wait a minute- I don't remember you doing anything," Booster finished.
"XR was waiting in the ship to accelerate away as soon as we got inside," Buzz said.
There was a pause.
"Well, XR, you really didn't do anything," Booster said, puzzled.
"Yes, I did! I secured the cell. And I drove the ship!" XR said, folding his arms.
Another pause.
"Um. Who's driving right now?" Mira asked.
There was a thump.
"Kitty!" came a high-pitched voice.
"Craters!" Buzz yelled. They ran for the cockpit.
Watching XR, Zurg's scowl was slowly replaced with an evil grin.
--Three Days Later---
"He looks so different without that helmet," Mira mused.
The team was standing near Zurg's uber-maximum-security cell on Star Command, waiting for the ceremony where they'd get their "We Captured Zurg" medals.
"Sweet mother of Venus, he's ugly," XR observed callously.
Zurg bared his teeth.
"And what nasty teeth. Ugh," the small robot continued.
"You shouldn't talk to him like that, XR," Booster worried. "He might do something awful to ya."
"Like what?" XR scoffed. "He's stuck in there, stupid."
"Team Lightyear, please report to the auditorium," crackled over the loudspeakers.
Everyone ran out of the cell block except XR.
"Whoa, hey, wait for me!" he yelled, and was going after them when he heard a short whistle like one would use to call a dog and turned to see Zurg making a beckoning gesture.
XR went up to Zurg's cell, a questioning look on his face.
"Yeah?"
"I want to congratulate you on my brilliant capture," Zurg said smoothly, grinning. "Not just any robot could have pulled that off."
XR blinked at him, tilting his head to the side, then smiled and said-
"Heh, well, thank you. I'm glad somebody noticed. I'm so underappreciated, you know."
"Oh, I know," Zurg said silkily. "I feel your pain. In fact, I have something for you."
XR frowned and backed away from Zurg.
"Wait a minute, accepting anything from you has bad idea written all over it."
Zurg made a pained face, clapping one hand over where his heart presumably was.
"I'm wounded, XR. Don't you trust me?"
XR laughed.
"Trust you? Evil Emperor Zurg? Who do you think I am? My brother?"
Zurg sighed, rolling his eyes up in his head.
"No, no, of course not. I should have known you were far too smart to accept anything from me. It's too late for me to change my ways. No one will give me a chance."
"Darn right."
XR turned away and was about to leave when-
"But what will I do with this now? I don't want a Victoria's Circuits magazine..."
XR turned back to Zurg, blinking.
"Victoria's... which issue is it?"
"The very latest one."
XR went a little too close to Zurg's cell, eyes fixed on the magazine he was holding.
"Chee, that's... I'm... not allowed to have those for another week yet... I'm on probation for... y'know... stuff."
"Not allowed? Really? And now I have nothing to do with it. Oh, craters." He turned away from XR. "Well, maybe I'll resell it on eBay."
"Err..."
XR placed one hand against the bars of the cell, eyes on the prize.
"You know, it... really wouldn't do me any harm to take that, would it?"
"Of course not," Zurg said smoothly.
And I want it sooo bad, XR mused. "I don't need to be deprived just because I was too lazy to close the window, right? I mean, nobody got sucked out or anything. Tch." He reached his hand through the bars of Zurg's cell and held his palm out.
Zurg grabbed his hand.
XR screamed as what felt like 10,000 volts ran through his circuits. He pulled away from Zurg, making a gasping noise.
"A- hand buzzer," he panted. "Oh, that's- that's niiice, Zurg. That's- nice. You must think- I'm really stupid."
"You fell for it," Zurg grinned.
XR scowled, clenching his fists.
"Yeah, yeah. How immature, playing a prank on me because I helped you get to jail where you belong. Uh huh. YOU-"
"Will Ranger XR please report to the auditorium," the speaker crackled. "NOW, you little bucket of bolts!"
"I- I- I'll kill you later," XR snapped, and left the room.
Zurg snickered.
"Phase 1 of my evil plan is complete."
---THE NEXT DAY---
"So, you had an intruder, eh?"
"Yes, and he took my spoon collection!" the pimply creature spat.
Buzz sighed.
"And this spoon collection was worth how much?"
"20 Unibucks," the creature replied.
"Nobody's gonna steal something worth 20 Unibucks, you tard," XR snapped.
"XR!" Mira hissed, putting one hand on his shoulder.
"Whaaat?" he complained.
"What is wrong with you?"
"I'm just telling the truth. This kid's spoon collection was crap," the small robot replied testily.
"I heard that!" the kid yelled. "And my collection was not crap! It took me years to put together!"
"They're freaking SPOONS!" XR yelled. "Y'want a spoon you go to the nearest McSpanky's!"
"That is the last crack I'm going to endure," the kid said prissily. "I am filing a formal complaint against Star Command about the behavior of their rangers!"
"You don't need to do that, son, it's only one ranger," Buzz intervened, putting a hand on his shoulder. "XR! Come here!"
XR did so, looking sullen.
"What is the matter with you? Space rangers are always courteous, now say you're sorry."
"I ain't sorry. This kid is a geek."
"APOLOGIZE, RANGER!" Buzz bellowed.
XR winced.
"Okay, okay, I'm not deaf!" He turned to the kid. "I'm sorry I insulted your flippin' wonderful spoon collection," he said in a flat tone.
"That's it, I've had it with you. This is the third time today now get back on the ship!" Buzz declared.
XR stuck his tongue out.
"MAAARCH!"
XR marched. (Well, he didn't march, he sort of, y'know, rolled, but whatever.)
"I'm very sorry, Mr. Netser. I don't know what's gotten into him, he's usually very, ah, courteous."
"I'm sure."
"Anyway," Mira butted in, "Do you have any enemies? Someone who might take your collection for laughs?"
Mr. Netser stared at her blankly for a moment, then realization dawned on his zitty face.
"AAAALFIIIIE!" he bellowed.
A small child came into the room, shifty-eyed.
"Yeah, bro?"
"WHERE IS MY SPOON COLLECTION?"
"Under my bed. Ha ha. And you're not gettin' it back either!"
"AAAAAH!" the teenager screamed, and dove after his brother.
"My work here is done," Mira said.
"Now we just have to talk to XR," Buzz grumbled, marching out of the room.
---
Buzz stormed onto 42, checking the bridge for signs of the cantankerous android. Not finding him, Buzz went into the break room to find XR sitting at the table.
"ARE YOU ON DRUGS?" Buzz demanded.
XR looked up at him. His face had a pinched, unhealthy look to it, but Buzz was, of course, too busy being angry to notice.
"I really don't know how that would happen," he replied.
Buzz slammed his hands down on the table, causing XR to wince and hold his head.
"You have been sassin' people all day and I'm sick of it! I want answers!"
"Could you talk a little softer? My head hurts."
"Well, ranger, maybe you should've thought of that before-"
Buzz felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to see Mira.
"Uh, Buzz?"
"What?!"
"I think you should try the active listening."
"I am not trying the active listening."
"Well, what you're doing isn't working. Do you want ME to do the active listening?"
Buzz sighed and rolled his eyes. "No, no, I'll try it."
He sat down roughly next to XR.
"Why are you so crabby?"
"I don't wanna talk to you."
Buzz frowned.
"Well, you don't have a-"
He looked up to see Mira going 'no no no'.
"...And why don't you want to talk to me?"
"My head hurts."
"So you're saying you're crabby because... your head hurts?"
XR blinked at him.
"I guess so. Yeah."
"Oh. Okay."
Never having been sick a day in his life, Buzz wasn't sure what to say to this.
"Well, suck it up," he attempted, confused.
"Oh. Yeah. That helps. Thanks Buzz."
XR grunted noncommittally and limply waved one hand in the air.
"You know what, I probably just need a charge."
"Huh?"
"A nap, Buzz. I need a nap."
"Oh. Well. All right," Buzz said, relieved. "You'll be fine after that, right?"
"I dunno. Maybe," XR mumbled. He got up, went over to the nearest wall outlet and removed a cord from somewhere inside him.
"A little privacy, thanks," he said loudly.
Buzz and Mira left the room.
XR closed his eyes.
---In a Star Command maximum-security cell---
The Evil Emperor chuckled, surveying a small, plastic purple object that resembled a Playstation controller. There was a small screen in the middle that was currently displaying the wall of 42's break room.
"Yes! That wretched eXpendable Ranger is finally shut down," he snickered. "And now I can control him, buwahahaha!"
Pause.
"Now... which button makes him move?" Zurg muttered. "Is it this joystick thingy?" he wondered, taking the joystick and wiggling it.
XR started moving towards the door.
"Yes! HA! I'm a genius!" Zurg crowed.
Suddenly, XR stopped moving.
"Oh now what? STUPID PIECE OF JUNK," Zurg cursed, wiggling the joystick some more.
XR's cord broke (ouch!) and he moved into the hallway.
"Ya-ha!" Zurg said. "Now, which way is the engine room? Huh. Can I make him look around?"
Zurg tried pressing some arrow keys located on the right side of the handset. To his delight, it actually made XR turn his head.
"That looks engine room-y," Zurg muttered, moving the joystick.
XR wheeled into the engine room.
"Now, how do I get him to shoot the engine and kill everyone?" Zurg wondered. "Hmm. Is it... this button?" he asked himself, pushing a small black button.
XR started jumping rope.
"No, that's not it," Zurg complained, pushing another button.
XR shot toothpaste at the engine.
"Oh, minty fresh, very nice," Zurg grumbled, trying another button.
XR roller skated in a circle.
"D'oh! Stinking pile of bolts!" Zurg yelled, pushing a whole bunch of buttons at once.
XR has mad dance skills!
Zurg started banging his head against the wall.
---On 42---
Buzz, Booster and Mira were all in the cockpit when they heard disco music.
"What the craters?" Buzz yelled.
Everyone ran into the engine room to find XR dancing.
"XR, what do you think you're DOING?" Buzz yelled in frustration. "I oughtta report you for insubordination, ranger!"
XR stopped dancing, and jerkily turned to face Buzz.
Silence.
"XR?" Mira asked.
---In the cell---
"KILL BUZZ LIGHTYEAR! KILL BUZZ LIGHTYEAR!" Zurg howled, incensed. He punched a random button.
---On '42---
XR's guns (finally) came out and he started shooting everywhere.
Everyone else screamed and dove out of the room.
"Seal the engine room!" Buzz hollered.
Mira pushed a button and the door to the engine room closed. Muffled shots could still be heard inside.
"What was THAT?" she yelled.
---In the cell---
"Oh, snap," Zurg grumbled. "Aw, just turn 'im off."
He pushed a big red button. XR's guns retracted, the light in his eyes went out, and he slumped over. His head fell against its glass casing.
---On 42---
"He stopped firing," Booster said in a low tone. "Is it safe now?"
"I can't believe he started shooting like that," Mira said, clearly shocked. "I-I feel so... betrayed."
"Mira," Buzz said, "I know we've all come to think of XR as human. But the cold, hard truth is, no matter how... uh, wonderful a companion he is, he's still a machine."
"Your point?" Mira asked coldly.
"My point, ranger, is that machines malfunction. Now get back to the cockpit. We're flying this cruiser back to Star Command."
