|
Post by Blacksteel on Oct 26, 2009 14:22:21 GMT -5
The demon snorted loudly. Was Zurg serious?
But judging by the worried look on his face, he apparently was.
"Well, bugs are okay, I guess, as long as they aren't giant spiders or something else that wants to eat me." Hellboy hated it when things kept trying to devour him. Giant spiders, floating heads, and they always went for his tail first. "And as for brains... heck, if I can handle Von Klempt, they'll be a cinch." Floating heads in jars, especially of the evil nazi scientist kind, he did not like.
|
|
|
Post by eez on Oct 26, 2009 15:16:11 GMT -5
"Excellent, and I'm sure you'd fit right in!" Zurg smiled, apparently checking off something on the holographic panel. "It's always good to know that my freak show staff--not you, of course--would get along nicely. Darkmatter always let the grubs urinate on the walls...."
The Evil Emperor decided to leave that story for another time.
"Anything else you'd like to go over. I've got all night, I suppose." He said, eying the news reel streaming across a vidscreen in the back.
Eeesh, way to go Starkisser. Make everything a dilemma!
|
|
|
Post by Blacksteel on Oct 26, 2009 18:13:08 GMT -5
Okay, Hellboy decided not to comment on that as he finished off the last of the beer.
"So what about the rest? The expectations, benefits and limitations of this job?"
|
|
|
Post by eez on Oct 27, 2009 13:53:27 GMT -5
"All that is just part of the package! Although I daresay you'd want to hear about benefits." Zurg cleared his throat once and brought up the subject with a simple flick of a finger.
"You, as my agent, are entitled to all resources I may--and may not--possess; really fun, the may not part. You have rank over lesser villains and their own major domos, you will have a plethora of supplies, malleable work schedule, and you may take comfort that no one can touch you--no one. You answer to no one except me; none are your equals beyond that." He paraphrased as he read the nit-picky details. "Really, you're like my deputy, I suppose. I tell you what to do and you do it. I say fetch, you bring back the objective without question."
"And as for limitations...well, you really aren't limited. Your only limit is that you listen to me at all times." He continued. "Now, I know what you could possibly be thinking. I'm a rigid, stick-in-the-mud kind of fellow who will give you nothing but hard times. But here's the truth: you perform and hold the expectations and I won't give you a hard time. Simple as that."
"That is provided you hold my expectations--which we will talk about in a minute. I think our meals are here." Zurg mentioned, eying the timid waiter approaching them.
|
|
|
Post by Blacksteel on Oct 27, 2009 15:04:05 GMT -5
Oh boy, what had he gotten himself into? All of this sounded pretty dodgy. He hoped it didn't involve anything that would go against his morals.
"So... I'm basically your number one man or something, right...?"
But his thought process was interrupted when the barman finally came back, loaded down with two plates of something that was supposed to be meat, soaked in a soggy gravy-like substance and--and where those insects!?
"Uh," Hellboy said before the barman could whisk off again, "couldja bring me some more beer? This time, preferably the entire barrel."
The barman blinked rapidly several times. Then, with a small snort, scurried off.
|
|
|
Post by eez on Oct 27, 2009 15:10:53 GMT -5
"Oh boy! Melnar loaf! Mmm-mm-mmm!" And just when it couldn't get gross enough, Zurg stooped down to take a hearty whiff and inhaled the steaming vapours through the cracks of his teeth in one, gigantic inhale.
"Aaaaaaaah...." He exhaled contently, probably blowing some of the foul smells over to Red's side of the table. "They don't make them smell like that anymore."
But Zurg wasn't rude enough to forget his table manners and promptly addressed Red, with a dopey, pleased smile of course.
"Basically~! You're my right-hand man, no pun intended of course."
|
|
|
Post by Blacksteel on Oct 27, 2009 15:38:42 GMT -5
"Right," Hellboy mumbled sardonically, then gagged and covered his mouth with his hand. "What the heck is that stuff!?" It smelled worse than sewage waste, and anything else the demon had encountered--and he had encountered many a stench in his lifetime.
|
|
|
Post by eez on Oct 27, 2009 15:41:39 GMT -5
"Mmm? Oh! Melnar loaf is a mystery, unfortunately, but it tastes great!" Zurg grinned, getting a pair of metal sticks prepared as he clicked them together with his fingers masterfully. "It's a delicacy on Fringe worlds, you know. I was surprised they offered it here!"
That probably meant that the bill would be expensive, too....
"Are you going to try it? You should. You might find you like it."
|
|
|
Post by Blacksteel on Oct 27, 2009 15:47:48 GMT -5
Well... it couldn't be worse than catfish and turtle eggs. "Fine," he grumbled. "Gimme a small slice of it." he knew he'd regret this, but he was pretty hungry anyway.
|
|
|
Post by eez on Oct 27, 2009 15:51:04 GMT -5
"Atta boy, Red!" Zurg's smile grew even wider--the waiter hiding underneath a table upon seeing it--and the Evil Emperor gingerly cut the man a slice; a nice, thick, juicy slice. He plopped the brown, rough piece of whatever it was upon Red's plate, the sickly-yellow juices seeping out and making that awful smell again.
"You know," Zurg began as he started to cut a slice for himself. ", most people think it's some sort of tongue, but I know better. Tongue isn't as nearly as good as this!"
|
|
|
Post by Blacksteel on Oct 27, 2009 16:13:27 GMT -5
His eye twitched. But he didn't want to appear like some sort of pansy if he refused. Gritting his teeth together he speared the hunk of meat on the tip of his fork, and experimentally nibbled a corner.
It was rather crispy, not half bad actually, but the second his teeth penetrated the outer layer, a sickly yellow slim pooled into his mouth and he immediately spit it out. "Dang! It's disgusting!"
|
|
|
Post by eez on Oct 27, 2009 16:24:37 GMT -5
"Aahahahahahahaaaa!" Zurg immediately roared with laughter, to the point where every single glass piece in the nearest vicinity began to shake and jingle at his dual-toned hilarity.
"A-hooh! A-hooh! Ahaha!" His laughter soon dissipated to slight snickering and he slowly regained his composure; with a few snorts to the side, naturally, as he kept glancing at Red's flustered face.
"I take it you couldn't handle the juices!" Zurg spoke finally, using a napkin to place upon his lap as he finished prepping his eating utensils; those silver metal sticks still clicking between his fingers. "That's quite alright. Most can't get past the smell, so you didn't do too bad yourself."
He pronged it once with his sticks and managed to get a slab of it between the metal before he brought it to his face; but the Evil Emperor stopped and found his eyes staring at Red's.
"Uhhh, I normally don't eat in front of anyone....so.....Yeah...." That was all Zurg said as there came a loud cracking sound from within, a crack forcing a fissure across those teeth and just as it couldn't get any worse, something thick and wet forced itself through and the teeth split into two jagged, horizontal halves; a broad tongue perhaps as big as the melnar loaf muscling itself out.
"What?" Zurg asked, his voice still perfectly clear even though the tongue began to sweep around the piece of food and drag it into his maw like a kraken tentacle capturing a fishing vessel. The teeth shut somewhat and chewing could barely be audible.
"You act as if you've never seen grazing before." The Evil Emperor managed to say, even though he was chewing.
|
|
|
Post by Blacksteel on Oct 27, 2009 17:08:54 GMT -5
Hellboy kept spitting and gagging, trying to get the infernal taste off of his tongue, but it lingered like an awful stain that couldn't get off of a carpet.
The barman came around about then--and right on time too. Hellboy grabbed the canister of beer and immediately gulped down a third of it. Seeing this feat, and not wishing to be around the evil emperor for more than was necessary, he scooted back to the counter and hid beneath it again.
And just as soon as Hellboy had gotten rid of the horrible taste, Zurg did the most darnest thing. His teeth literally cracked open, and a large tongue slithered out and encased the meat whole. And he was still talking.
The demon dropped his fork, a stumped look on his face. These aliens were strange, very, very strange. He was vividly reminded of the mandibles of those two giant spiders that had tried to eat him once. That had not been one of his better experiences.
|
|
|
Post by eez on Oct 27, 2009 17:15:01 GMT -5
Clatter!
A fork had clashed against their table by the sounds of it and with further investigation, Zurg spotted Red just staring with his mouth agape and open. He must have dropped his fork!
"What's the matter, don't like the loaf?" He asked, his voice projected outwards without a jaw to move or a tongue to writhe and wiggle.
Maybe Red didn't like the smell.
Zurg gazed downwards at the tray and briefly eyed Red before chancing back down upon the food.
"Do you want anymore of this? If not, I'll gladly eat it." He offered, swallowing and talking at the same time.
|
|
|
Post by Blacksteel on Oct 27, 2009 17:18:40 GMT -5
Hellboy's eyes were still wide in shock. He pushed the pate forwards, mouth slightly agape. He didn't mean to stare--heck, it annoyed him when people started--but he'd just never seen something so... so curious. What baffled him the most was that the emperor could still freaking talk.
"Um... uh... how... do you do that...?" he asked rather hesitantly, reaching for his beer again.
|
|